Later on this week, me and my Pirate hat will be heading down to Chavez Ravine for our annual trek to see the Buccos play the Dodgers here in Los Angeles. I’ve sat in the upper reserved, the lower reserved, loge, field level and once in the Dugout Club a few seats over from Shia Labeouf.
It is rarely what I would call a “fun” experience.
First off, the Pirates usually lose. Sometimes they lose in a grand fashion, sometimes they just lose. I’ve been with Bryan for seven years, and the only Pirates game he’s ever seen the Pirates win was last year down in San Diego against the Padres. But losing isn’t what makes going to Dodger Stadium miserable.
I’ve simply run out of comebacks (among other things) hurled my way at Dodger games. You would think that after all these years of abuse, I’d have full repertoire of snappy retorts at my ready each time someone insulted me and my Pirates hat. Instead, I’ve been ground down to shaking my head and sighing. Not just at Pirate-Dodger games, but everywhere I wear my hat. As you can see in the above photo, it is a well-worn cap. The beach, the store, home, office, bad hair days, good hair days, hiking, biking, traveling, rain, sun, snow and anywhere else you can wear a hat.
During the horrid first series with the Brewers, the cashier at the grocery store looked at my hat and asked, “When are you going to give them up?”
“Yeah.” It was all I could come up. Yeah? Pathetic. I’m known for being funny, quick-witted and all I can say is, “Yeah?” I’ve brought men and women to tears with my words. I am rarely backed into a corner by anyone in debate. I never don’t know what to say.
A few weeks ago I had some fun laughing about why the Dodgers lost to the Pirates on Opening Day. Since then… Well. No need to discuss the downward decline since then while other people are doing a much better job covering the topic and reminding us, Don’t Panic. (Someone should consider putting that on the cover of a book someday. I bet it would help sales.)
And I’m not panicked and I am still in this for the long term, but I really need a better response than, “Yeah.”
So help me out here. What should I say to the Dodger fans — or anyone — who insults the hat?