When people drag out the tired “MTV sucks because they never show videos” routine, show them the video for our next entry in The Music of New Coke, REO Speedwagon’s “One Lonely Night”, the follow up hit and B-side to “Can’t Fight This Feeling”.Â
Did you watch the video?Â No?Â I’ll wait until you’re done.
Yes, you must keep watching past the painful 1:15 of dialogue that wouldn’t have made it past the first round of any “Funny or Die” entry posted today.Â Keep going.Â Watch what the sword cuts open.Â It will make the end of the video that much more poignant and perhaps that much funnier.Â (Unlikely, though.)
Ah, yes!Â The video is a pun!Â “One Lonely Night” has a video that is, yes, about a lonely knight.Â And apparently he has a vision problem, but since it is the Middle Ages no one can do anything about it.Â Except!Â There is a wizard!Â A wise wizard who looks just like the lead singer of REO Speedwagon who can send our lonely knight into the future!Â The future is Los Angeles!Â (Because if you are lonely knight traveling through space and time, why not get out of Europe anyway.)
Are you still watching?Â It’s pretty bad.Â Maybe if you were sipping a New Coke you wouldn’t be distracted by what a silly pun this video has turned out to be.Â Or maybe you’d be so hopped up on high-fructose corn syrup — one of the biggest changes from Old Coke to New Coke was the replacement of cane sugar with corn syrup — you wouldn’t care how puntastic it was.Â
Boy, our lonely knight is lost.Â Just look at the movies on the marquee; MISSING IN ACTION 2, NINJA III, PARADISE HOTEL, I wouldn’t know what to buy a ticket to either.Â If someone would just help him out and steer him away from bad cinema and hookers…Â But wait!Â That looks like another member REO Speedwagon in drag.Â She/He seems to be selling items from their trench coat.Â Hollywood!Â It’s so dangerous.Â But not for our lonely knight.Â He now has glasses and can see so he can fight crime!Â Hooray!Â Wouldn’t it be great if his wife back in Europe (and 500 years earlier) could see him now seeing.Â
Yes, it has been a one lonely night for our lonely knight.Â Let’s let the magical wizard find him again in a back alley and make him a king.Â Time to go home.
Kiss the girl.Â Keep the glasses.Â Let the water drip down from the roof in a callback to joke from three minutes ago.
Now tell me you miss MTV showing videos and New Coke.