Congratulations to the Anaheim Ducks for making it to the Stanley Cup finals for the second time in the past four seasons with their 4-3 win over the Red Wings. Look at how manly and full all their playoff beards look, with the exception of goaltender Giguere’s baby face. They play the Ottawa Senators at home starting next Monday, May 28. Why the long wait? Champions on Ice is already booked in town this weekend.
Yes, I know this is a blog about Hot Athletes. Everyday we try so, so hard to bring you nothing but the very best in baseball ass, basketball ass, football ass, swimmers ass – really anything in a tight pair of pants.
I looked through every picture I could find of the Spurs-Jazz game and Eva Longoria is the best thing I could find. So not only are the games boring to watch, but there isn’t even any eye candy to keep me interested in this series. Let’s all hope the Spurs hurry up and sweep so I no longer have to think about how skinny her ass would be in bed.
(I know, I know… “Be nice! Fuck!”)
This is Wayne Rooney. He is not the guy who stands outside of Bob’s Big Boy. He is a player on Manchester United. I’m sure MJD, Hirshey, or Unsilent Majority could tell you all about him. I cannot.
Here’s a peak into how my mind works-
(Mostly because I am writing this post as I go.)
I was going to post a picture of Roger Goodell and talk about the NFL owners meetings, which I think are very important. But let’s face facts; Roger Goodell is not really hot, and quite frankly all of the moves he has been making thus far remind me of this guy, who is even less hot. So I thought maybe I’d find a nice wire image of Dan Rooney, who while not so hot, is the coolest owner around* and I love him so much for suggesting that the draft goes on way too long. No pictures of Dan Rooney, but the wire service has this guy, Wayne Rooney, and he’ll do for the Big Boy joke I made in the last paragraph.
In my search for Rooney pics, I come across a scandal that ProFootballTalk.com broke about smutty emails sent out by a member of the Steelers front office by mistake in the Post-Gazette. And I’m horrified, not by the idea of porn, but that poor Steelers pro-personal coordinator Doug Whaley is already being dragged through the mud by some locals commenting on Mondesi’s House in a couple of different posts. This story has all the makings of a tempest in a teacup by the time Mark Madden, Around the Horn, and Rome get ahold of it.
(I need to put this in context. All eight Ladies shared about 200+ emails yesterday talking about high school. No exaggeration. We even got to see Texas Gal’s homecoming pictures. No, I will not share them with you.)
Doug Whaley was the co-caption of the football team when my high school won the Pennsylvania Quad-A championship. Banners touting “The Whale” hung around our pep rallies. It is hokey to say that I remember he was nice guy, because I don’t remember talking to him much since I was a lowly underclassman at the time, but I do recall that everyone really brightened when he was around.
(It should be noted here that I it has been almost an hour since I typed “around” and then started this sentence. In this time, I woke up TSB so he could pull down my yearbooks, looked through that particular year for a while, and then fell down a Wikipedia hole amazed about how much the district has put on the page. I should call some old friends today or email them about this propaganda they still post. And why is this “notable” list missing so many people?)
Where was I? Yes, supporting Doug Whaley. Listen, we’ve all made huge blunders on the job. The forwarding an email to a coworker who cannot handle “Reply to entire address book” is common business snafu. If you are good worker day in and day out for years on end, you shouldn’t be fired for one case of bad judgement in workplace humor.
(Crap. This has gone on really too long and I don’t know how to save this and bring it back to hotties.)
Wait! I had an asterick up there! Thank goddness I was going to make comment at someone for not finding Rooney a cool owner.
Stop it already! It’s over. We’re through talking about this now. I know you don’t like the way this is ending, but it is time to move on and act like a grown up. The lease is not up for another seven to eight months, so we are going to have to work very hard so this is not “weird” anymore.
You want to call other teams? Fine. Just please not when we’re still living together. We can cancel the cable if you want – I know you think money is tight, especially when it comes to you – but I expect you to still help take out the trash and do dishes. Just show a little respect for the time we had together. We’ve all put too much into this relationship for it to be this bitter between us.
Besides, I’m kind of hoping maybe once you simmer down, we can talk things out and still be friends.
funny thing is that giguere definitely rocked the grizzly adams beard last time the ducks were in the finals.
and im over the whole faneca thing. theres no way we can sign him and polamalu, and id rather have troy. and even if we did find some way to sign em both, what happens when ben becomes a free agent? thered be no money left.
i blame the nfl and the ridiculous salaries for guards. i know they’re important, and fast willie got help from faneca on that 75 yarder in the super bowl. but we’re talking about guards. wtf
Fuck jiggy…Go Sens Go!
I’m dizzy. With glee.
And how have I gone this long without a “Boy Did that Get Away From Me” tag?
This is greatness. Stream of consciousness sports writing- brilliant.
if the sens win, i will be so mad.
im rootin for emilio estevez! flying v, baby!
Holly, I see snark recognizes snark.
I had this dream last night I was babbling on and on…
Techmo – The only reason I still kinda hope things work out with Faneca is that he is Hall of Famer and I do think he has a few years left in him. I blame the Buffalo Bills for over-paying their guards.
Pam – I’ve been saying lets go Sens since they beat the Pens. Team of destiny.
TSW, Yea I guess so. They probably should have won in ’03 but Wade Redden was guilty of double coverage late in game 7, allowing Friesen a clean path to the net. What a pass by Marshall…. ::wipes tear::
I loathe the Sens, but not more than the Ducks.
Wow such support for the Sens. I’m impressed.
It’s only right that the hottest team in each conference made it to the SCF. Both teans have at least five guys you want to French.
Margee – I don’t know I had Buffalo as the hottest team in the East.
I love Hockey if only for the awesome names of the players: Pronger, Niedermayer, Elias, Pandolfo, etc. Love it.
Y’know, as someone who likes hockey but doesn’t write about it enough, I should be rooting for the team from Canada, but I picked Anaheim and put money on it when the playoffs started.
(Especially because they beat the Red Wings.)
I only realized that this post might be spinning into another dimension when TSW woke me up at 3:00am to tell me all about “The Whale.” I figured I was having a nightmare and promptly went back to sleep.
Still, I have to admire her gusto here. I can assert than when TSW goes for broke, she really, really goes.
@metschick, Tootoo is one of my favorite hockey names
Janalee, the Sens have Jason Spezza, Wade Redden, Mike Fisher, Peter Schaffer, Dany Heatley, the list goes on! I’ve got to give it to the Sens.
And my dream line in the NHL is Cheechoo-Tootoo-Ruutu. Imagine Doc Emrick going after that one.
None of you gave mentioned Satan yet either!
I want Satan on my line!
Margee, Dany Heatley? Really? To each thier own I guess. As for Buffalo, I’ve got Derek Roy, Dainius Zubrus, Tim Connolly, Paul Gaustad, Jason Pominville, Jochen Hecht and Ty Conklin. Yes, I’ve put far too much thought into this.
Ty Conklin is hot, but I would not let him guard my net, if you know what I am saying.
French as in “kiss”, or French as in “oral”?