Dearest Ohio State Patron Saint Jesse Owens,

Today, we ask you for your speed, for your stamina, and for your strength.  We ask that your hope and your determination become a beacon of light to guide us on this day, the day we face our greatest challenge yet.  We ask for your patience and that your heart become our center in case we do not make it through and lose our bet with the KissingSuzyKolber Mafia.

Because like you, OSU Saint Owens, we too are outsiders.  We too have not been welcomed.  We too have been told we just do not belong.

When you raced in the Berlin Olympics the whole world watched as you reached for the sun, refusing to let the light go dim despite the hostile environment in which you made your mark.

Upon return to the United States, you were not treated like royalty, OSU Saint Owens.  Society still looked at you sideways and refused you entry to their most sacred circles.  They turned your career into a freak show, racing animals and giving you jobs that were little more than titles and a meager paycheck.

But they could not take away your sun.

We have been told that as Ladies we are nothing but a distraction.  That we do not truly understand what it is to be a fan.  That there is no room for us in sports.   And like you, OSU Saint Owens, all we want to do is make the world a little bit better for our kind — the female sports fan.

We don’t expect cool guys to like us or even add us to their blog rolls.

We just hope to do our best and get our shot at the sun.

So we thank you Ohio State Patron Saint Jesse Owens on today, the day of our biggest challenge. Thank you for listening.  Please do everything you can to help Greg Oden and Mike Conley win this game for us.  Please let OSU win so we do not lose.


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56 Responses to Jesse Owens, Patron Saint of OSU, Please Hear Our Plea

  1. Texas Gal says:

    Firstly, you rule.
    Secondly, tOSU shall follow in your footsteps and rule as well.

    I’m burning incense on the Buckeye altar all day today…

  2. Holly says:


  3. You have no idea how happy this makes me. Well played, TSW.

  4. ladyandrea says:

    This is awesome. You made an actual shrine! I was envisioning a photoshopped shrine. Nicely done.

  5. Holly says:

    What the hell do we sacrifice to please tOSU gods? A Michigan fan?

  6. I have a Michigan shirt I could burn. I only ever wear it to the gym and feel like it makes me look slightly lame. (I swear it was a gift from when my friend was an undergrad there!)

  7. ladyandrea says:

    I can’t believe how early you west coasters are up on a Saturday morning. Bah.

  8. It is all bright and sunny out! Hard to sleep when the world awaits! Time for breakfast and a bike ride!

    (And if you don’t think I am wearing those red and silver beads all day sporting my OSU love just this once, you are mistaken.)

  9. Holly says:

    I, on the other hand, went back under the covers after my last comment. The daystar, it burns.

  10. metschick says:

    I have a few babies available for sacrifice. Although I don’t think their parents would be too happy…

    LETS GO, tOSU!! Make Mike Cooper and us proud!

  11. Rooting for OSU may help your bet, but just think about what it’s doing to your souls.

  12. Mike White says:

    Sorry, Ladies…but I can’t support you on this one. If the Buckeyes lose, it simply means a frat party on your blog for a day. If THE Ohio State University wins, I will lose to a bracket determined entirely by penny coinflips that has Davidson and Eastern Kentucky in the final four. I will have to live the rest of my life knowing that! What am I supposed to do?!?

  13. Holly says:

    I think whatever detriment we incur by rooting for (t)OSU is faaaar outweighed by what will be inflicted if KSK prevails. We’re on the side of the angels.

  14. SA says:

    I bow down to you, TSW.

    I feel dirty rooting for tOSU. But if it’ll help them win I’ll sing “Carmen Ohio” the entire damn day.

  15. JebusHChrist says:

    That was so beautiful. Your plea has made me cry (not really). I will root for tOSU with all of my heart (that I’m able to – being a Hawkeye).

  16. Disco Stu says:

    I appreciate that you’re trying to win cleanly. Lesser Ladies… — lesser PEOPLE — would invoke a Woody Hayes style tripping of an opponent… Or, at the very least, for Thad Matta to distract Jeff Green with a well-timed expectoration of chewing-gum. You have not, & that speaks well of you.

    What KSK will do to your blog, though, does not speak well of them… Or, maybe too well. But that will happen, too, just as you have entreated the aid of Owens’s from above. Because I have UCLA beating Georgetown in my pool, & if that happens, I’ll win, so I have to trump my admiration for your sportmanship with my own selfish desires.

    But I am not just a “doctor”, I am a man…

  17. 1. Hitler
    2. Tom Coughlin
    3. Us

  18. Have you considered trying praying to Jobu? It worked for Pedro Cerrano

  19. drdoom says:

    no um it goes like this

    1. hitler
    2. mike nolan
    2a. tom coughlin
    3. you guys
    4. rae carruth

  20. drdoom says:

    wait so maurice clarett isn;t the patron saint of OSU.
    So why has chris henry been praying to him.
    Oh that wasn;t praying.

  21. Suss-- says:

    “We don’t expect cool guys to like us or even add us to their blog rolls.”

    Then how the hell am I supposed to disappoint you?

  22. JebusHChrist says:

    However this turns out Ladies… I’m already proud of you. Now you can only make me unproud.

  23. Holly says:

    Then how the hell am I supposed to disappoint you?

    Your skills at Raise A Zombie Army will do nicely, pet.

  24. Philistine says:

    In this case, I have to say, “Ho’s before Bro’s”

  25. Holly says:

    I protest the inclusion of Noah in “One Shining Moment”. He’s shiny all right, but shiny like entrails.

  26. twoeightnine says:

    BOO BEES. We’re going to see lots and lots of BOO BEES.

  27. Suss-- says:

    Zombie … sounds like the kind of word that helped me win at Scrabble.

  28. Holly says:


  29. Yostal says:

    Oh goodness, I so don’t know how to feel. I mean, I love the Ladies… and I understand the need to have tOSU win, but I am worried that if this game doesn’t start going well, you’re coming after me, for blood and for reals.

  30. Holly says:

    Hey, look! A Michigan fan!

    (….I’m just saying.)

  31. It seems like my posts comparing the various types of birth control pills/my favorite Glade plug-in scents/why I love Hello Kitty could become a reality.

    35.3 long seconds to go…

  32. Holly says:


  33. Georgetown gets fluffy Final Four sweat towels to take home. We…get….KSK for a day!

    Confidential to the Patron Saint of tOSU: I prostrate myself before you and thank you for the bounty you have bestow-eth upon the Ladies…

  34. metschick says:


  35. Holly says:

    Dear KSK Mafia: Choose the form of the Destructor.

  36. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (sorry I’m posting from friend’s laptop.)

    Quote from the party after I set up the shrine, “You weren’t kidding. You actually made. A. Shrine.”

  37. Ok… this party is getting wrong… someone just lost their pants. This is what happens with scotch.

  38. Holly says:


  39. metschick says:

    I should’ve made a Mets shrine last year…

  40. Suss-- says:

    Note to self: make fewer bets with women on stuff.

  41. SA says:

    OK, now that tOSU has won, I can go back to hating them now.

    To KSK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!1!!!11!!1!!!1!

    Add another one in the Hello Kitty love.

  42. Holly says:

    I think the guys are already big Hello Kitty fans, actually. I don’t know how much damage that would inflict.

    [/straight face]

  43. No kidding, the Hello Kitty bubble gum is the greatest gum in history. You know, that Sanrio stuff? Awesome.

  44. Ivan says:

    So when is the take over?

  45. Texas Gal says:

    I ran home from the bar just to post and say…

    All hail Jesse Owens, TSW and tOSU! (even though I hate you, tOSU)

    I can’t wait to post about feelings and emotions and love and hearts and periods!


  47. I certainly deplore any form of discrimination, whether based on gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, whatever. But to equate your situation with the extreme racism of Nazi Germany is going a bit far. It trivializes the Holocaust and the social/political value of what Jesse Owen’s achieved in the Berlin Olympics. A more appropriate parallel would be to call on Tommie Smith and John Carlos of the 1986 US Olympic team. But then, they are not OSU alums,

  48. Ivan says:

    Hmmmm…that reason seems oddly out of place here.

  49. JebusHChrist says:

    John – thank you for your thoughtful input. However, I don’t think it was anyone’s intent to trivialize the holocaust, anymore than your suggestion to equate the Ladies… bet with the KSK guys was an attempt to diminish the plight of black people in this country finding a voice and equality. Also, I think you meant the 1968 Olympics. Anyway, your heart is in the right place but your point really isn’t. I think it was a little heavy-handed for this blog.

  50. panger says:

    personally, i think bruce villanch would have been a better choice. but run on, ladies run on!!!

  51. extrapolater says:

    I find it amazing that Jobu was mentioned. We’re invoking Jobu over at Extrapolater too. He’s our guy come baseball season.

  52. lauriekendrick says:

    [EDIT] Laurie, if you’re going to spam us, at least write something marginally relevant to our blog in the comments, k? Thanks! ~The Ladies.

  53. I think the guys are already big Hello Kitty fans, actually.

  54. zuqy says:

    Com’n LADIES!!

  55. Lirik Lagu says:

    this is awesome..

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