The Patriot League.Â The wannabe under-Ivy League. Where academics rule, where until recently athletic scholarships were forbidden, and where being 7-7 gets you home court advantage in the league tourney.Â Â Also the home of the league were I am picking theÂ MVP,Â and thatÂ Hottie MVP was out for the whole season with a seriousÂ knee injury, Kyle Roemer of Colgate.
Yes, I spent some time at a then-Patriot League school.Â Â With the exceptions of Navy, (never visited), and American, (it replaced Fordham and therefore does not count), I have been fall-over drunk at all of the Patriot League campuses.Â Â
What does that have do do with anything?Â Nothing, other than I’ve seen a lot of hot guys at all of these schools and not many of them were basketball players.Â Â You wouldÂ think that this would haveÂ changed considering that BushÂ Sr. was in office while I was in college, but by looking at the team roster pages, it has not.Â
(I started to type, â€œfailed experimentâ€ up there, but then suddenly remembered there are about three or four working broadcasters that also went through the booth at WFUV’s “One onÂ One Sports”Â at the same time I did, Â and since I cannot remember who said it first, I don’t know who to attribute it to. Fuck it, I am sure we allÂ said the phrase at least once.Â Students held up signs atÂ every home game that read, ‘FORDHAM + A-10 = $$$”. But at least a couple of those guys are around The FanHouse, and quite frankly I am wondering when our worlds will collide for the first time in
15Â 12 years.)
Enough reminiscing and more sports hotties.Â
First off, we’re saying “FU” to American.Â Â Â They don’tÂ link toÂ player pages, much less pictures, from their online roster.Â Â American could have a whole team of male models, but we wouldn’t know it.Â Â Â Not a good wayÂ to help recruitment.Â Â (Although it is very Patriot League of them. Vanity is so Big Ten.) Good job on being 7-7 in the league and 15-13 overall.
Next off, we’re dismissing Army and Navy.Â They are both 4-10 in the league and 14-15 overall.Â How do they recruit? Do they still have posters of “The Admiral” David Robinson on the wall at Navy?Â Â (Plus, after looking at a couple of dozen pics of guys with shaved heads, I couldn’t tell which one was hotter than the next.Â )
Finally, we’re flat out ignoring Lehigh (7-7, 12-18)Â and Lafayette (3-11, 9-20).Â One of theÂ oldest rivalries in all of college athletics, and outside of those two schools, no one can tell them apart.Â Â They deserve each other, because both of them did their player team pics with the players in dress shirts and ties, giving them the look of a bunch of junior copier salesmen.
Bucknell is dominant both on the court and in the looks department. (Or maybe scrappy players who pulled of the “Upset of the Year 2005”Â by knocking #3 Kansas out of the Big Dance, and upsetting #8 Arkansas last year have more swagger to their step.)Â Â Â So I give you Darren Mastropaolo, Abe Badmus, and Donald Brown.
Â Â Â
Hardly seemsÂ fair, eh?
Holy Cross has a chance of stealing the conference,Â andÂ freshman Zach PaterickÂ has a shot at the title of “Whitest Smile Ever”.Â (Much like the Patriot League possible holds the title for “Palest League”.)
I’m taking Bucknell for the title for the third year in a row, but wouldn’t be shocked if Holy Cross won just because theyÂ had their own threepeat just a few years ago.
For more Patriot League coverage, I recommend http://www.hooptimeonline.com/Â and http://www.patriotleaguehoops.comÂ . The latter site has one of the best insults I’ve ever seen in a comment section –
“hey you idiot how about you stop whining about somebody trying to charge for their work and go eat a whole bucket of pears“
Who says this is not Ivy League material?