Years ago when we were about twenty, I was driving through the Strip District with two of my oldest friends, Craig and Jason, and they started to talk about one of my other oldest friends, Kara. Craig had taken Kara to the prom a few years prior and Jason had always been pals with Kara, so the two of them discussing her didn’t set off any bells until Jason declared, “I just want to cover her in cheese.”

He might have said, “I just want to cover her in cheese sauce.” I cannot quite remember, but he definitely meant liquid cheese. Either way, I laughed so hard I nearly plowed my car into Feinberg’s. Knowing how much Jason — and Craig for that matter — loved cheese, it seemed like a perfectly fine way to express one’s appreciation of another person’s hotness.

When I related the story to Kara, her reaction was immediate. “That’s disgusting,” she laughed, somewhat horrified at the idea someone would pour cheese on her. “It’s a compliment,” I countered. “It’s cheese!”

She wasn’t convinced. Or rather, she was rather disturbed that it was the sort of compliment one should appreciate.

The producers of Tillamook think it’s a fine flattery to be covered with cheese, as seen in their new string of ads of foods fighting over the cheddar. Tillamook gets a potato pregnant with tots, nachos fight with grilled cheese. The cute, somewhat racy anthropomorphic humor you would expect out of a mild cheese.

Except this spot. Tillamook cheats on cauliflower with broccoli to a shriek of, “I can see your guilt all over her face!”

Surprising, mostly because I had long assumed extra sharp cheddar would be the kinky cheese, not mild.

(Both Kara and Jason are now happily married and living on different continents. They remain friends despite the dairy delectation. No one has ever expressed a desire cover the author in melted cheese.)

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2 Responses to Can we just admit this is a commercial about broccoli getting a cheese facial?

  1. I can’t say I’d like to be covered in melted cheese – it must maintain a certain temperature, after all, which I do not think would agree with the skin. Slices, grated flakes and whole bricks would be acceptable, however.

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