That conversation would look like this:
“It’s done, right? I never have to talk to these characters again?â€
“Done? Um. No. You have however written 132 pages.â€
“132 pages? In four months? That’s slow even for us!â€
“Yes, but that’s the way it goes.â€
“It will be really hot in September and you’ll be taking refuge down by the beach every day just so you can complete one fully formed thought.â€
“No reason I can’t take my laptop down to the beach and work.â€
“It will be so hot, you’ll be worried the dog will melt in the apartment alone so you take your dog instead of your laptop. Put some sunglasses on her and deal with it.â€
“Sunglasses on the dog?â€
“Also, in October you’ll try to write a few short stories instead of working on the novel.â€
“Well, at least that’s something.â€
“If they were not so dreadful, that would be now, wouldn’t it?â€
“What about that pilot? Tell me that’s progressed some since August.â€
“You have idea for a pilot? Really?â€
“Yes! Aren’t you future me? Have you already forgotten about the new-new-new pilot idea?â€
“Oh, right. That. You haven’t thought about that idea since you emailed one of your internet buddies about it over the summer.â€
“Seems like the next four months are a total waste.â€
“Not a total waste. You did download the version of Scrivener in November, and you start to build a new website so you can put all your Black & Gold Tchotchkes and Tumblr stuff all in one place.â€
“How does it look?â€
“Hahaha! Of course it’s not done yet.â€
“Anything on the novel you can tell me that will be helpful?â€
“No. You figure that shit out for yourself, younger self.â€
“Well give me something. I need something to keep going.â€
“You’ll be good at fake time travel conversations when you really should be doing anything else.â€
*POOF AS FUTURE SELF GOES BACK TO THE FUTURE*
“But I don’t even have sunglasses for the dog.â€
Tweet from author Cecil Castellucci. Go buy her books.