INT. BEDROOM — DAY –Â THE AFTERNOON OF THE SUPER BOWL
A lump under the covers stirs and then goes still.Â A moment passes and a hand reaches out to the night stand for a cellphone, withdrawing quickly back under the comforter and out of the cold air.Â A few more seconds pass.Â Suddenly the lump goes flying through the air, covers falling away to reveal BRITT in his undershirt and boxers rushing out the door.
So you overslept.Â Or none of your buddies made any plans and all of a sudden everyone has decided to show up at your house because you have the bigger TV.Â Maybe you had plans to go to your usual game day pub then found out they’re charging a $20 cover charge and a requiring a $50 food and drink minimum for the Super Bowl.Â (Assmonkeys by the way.Â They’re happy to let you nurse a single Miller Lite and a side order of fries on a Tuesday night for the whole Grizzles-Raptors game, so screw them for hosing the regulars during the Super Bowl.)
Regardless, you need something Super Bowl XLIII themed, and fast.
In my circle of friends, everyone has stories about a guy named Britt and his obsession with Old Bay.Â You’ll be at a party and if there are some plain chips out, suddenly Britt’s there flavoring them with Old Bay.Â Not at his own house mind you, but in your living room with Old Bay.Â Summer BBQ and you’re standing near the grill?Â “You should put some Old Bay on that.”Â At our friend Jason’s bachelor party,Â he gave the groom a can of Old Bay on which he had written on the bottom of the can, “Put it on… everything.”
And he’s right.Â Old Bay is perfect and you need something fast for the game.Â On kettle-fried chips (although try to use it on unsalted chips or lightly salted chips), popcorn, the chicken or veggies you just grabbed at the market twenty minutes before kickoff, it will be your savior.
Note – Jason still has that can of Old Bay and he’s still married.