“I thought we had an agreement, no clothes.”
“We did, but you’ve barely wanted to go outside over the past few days it’s been raining so hard. I thought Spaniels were water dogs.”
“For hunting! Every time I have caught a bird for you, it’s ‘bad dog’ this and ‘bad dog’ that.”
“When have you ever seen me cook a mockingbird or a sparrow?”
“How do I know what you’re making up there? I’m not tall enough to see the top of the counter! Heck, you’re barely tall enough to see the top of the counter.”
“Can’t you smell the differences between the birds?”
“Pretty much all smells like FOOD FOOD FOOD to me.”

Sulks.

“You look cute in the raincoat.”
“I’m a Cocker Spaniel who probably has a touch of Poodle in my genes. I’m the Jennifer Aniston-Reese Witherspoon-Angelina Jolie of dogs! You don’t need to tell me I’m cute in a raincoat, I know I’m already cute!”
“Angelina Jolie?”
“Yes! When I get all fight-y and growl-y I’m Angelina Jolie, bitch.”
“Bitch, who are you calling bitch?”
“It’s a compliment! I AM A FEMALE DOG AND IT’S A COMPLIMENT TO BE CONSIDERED TO BE ME. NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS GODDAMN RAINCOAT NOW, BITCH”
“You’re pretty lippy for a dog.”
“You’re pretty lippy for a person talking to a dog in a raincoat.”
“Promise you’ll poop on this walk if I take off the raincoat?”
“Promise.”

Twenty minutes later, entering the front door soaking wet.

“Okay, that wasn’t my fault. That miniature Saint Bernard around the corner distracted me and I couldn’t go.”

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