Previously on Ladies…
Just over a week left before Christmas and you’re still not sure what to get the sporty woman in your life?
Tired of at least four “diamonds for the journey” during every commercial break? Does your brain shut off the second you walk into the local mall? Does your wife grit her teeth every time she remembers the year you bought her a boom box for Christmas, which was returned on December 26th at 9 am?
We here at Ladies know how hard it can be to pick out the perfect gift, so we’ve made ours lists and checked them twice, and figured out which presents are naughty or nice for the female fans in your life.
AND IF THERE IS REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUS THAN HE CAN MAKE SOME OF OUR WISHES COME TRUE!
If your lady is looking for gear for around the house, I’m totally in love with the bedding at Pottery Barn Teen, available in all of the NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL flavors. Especially cute – the AFC Patchwork Quilt, NFL throw pillow covers, and the metal wall signs. (All of which are slightly classier than the NFL paper napkin holder you were eying. Do not buy your woman a napkin holder for Christmas if you want to see her out of panties between now and New Years!)
No other bag I own – and I am the Carrie Bradshaw of purses – gets as many compliments and “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT”s as my Wide Receiver bag from Littlearth made out of jersey material.
Available in all NFL teams, the Wide Receiver bag and larger Quarterback purses are too cute to pass up, especially for the bargain prices of $25 and $30!
And Santa? I was so, so, so, so, so not good this past year, but do you think you could see past that and help out the Steelers offensive line and cornerbacks? Please? Because if that is too hard, then I want Steve Martin’s Wish List.
Yeah, I thought so.
Here is my Christmas List:
1. I’ve recently started a nice little fitness program that includes a lot of yoga and pilates (lose 10 lbs in two months, ask me how!), which I am loving more with every passing day. So I would like some kind of comfortable and cute yoga outfit. I found one that comes in pink/black (a combination I like). It looks comfy and is more stylish than wearing my baggy pants that have my sorority letters and a smooch embroidered on the butt and a worn out old Heart t-shirt to the gym.
2. I’ve got a few items to commemorate the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals season: the NLCS/World Series DVD set, a nice glossy photo-filled book by Viva El Birdos, etc etc. But I don’t have anything really nice. So I want this:
I just really love the composition of the picture.
3. Finally, I want the Cardinals to not suck this next year and for Tony LaRussa and Scott Rolen to kiss and make up. That’s all. Not asking too much. Nope.
Texas Gal –
1. Cubs season tickets
I am currently number – hold on, let me check cubs.com – #26365 on the waiting list. Don’t even have to buy me the tickets. Just break in to the Cubs computer system all Wargames-style, and overwrite my number down to #1. Should be easy enough to do.
2. Football purse
It’s a football… that’s a purse! And it comes with its very own whistle. Who couldn’t use one of these sassy bags?*
*I absolutely do not want this.
3. Totally realistic request, in four parts
(a) Mark Cuban buys the Cubs, (b) Johan Santana goes to the Sox for Julian Tavarez and Coco Crisp, (c) Mack Brown fires every member of the coaching staff who is responsible for continuing to utilize East-West running plays, and (d) Aaron Rowand, Brett Favre, Josh Beckett and I all run away together on the back of a unicorn.
Don’t know what to get for that Mets fan in your life?
Easy! Season tickets for the 2008 season! Sure, they’ll cost you upwards of $3,000 each (I’m totally guessing. they won’t even give the prices of season tickets to poor people like me). But you give these, and you’re golden. For the rest of your life.
Okay, okay, so most of us don’t have thousands of dollars lying around.
How about you buy this for the game room? Fine, I don’t have a game room. Would it look terribly out of place in my bedroom? Never mind.
Oooh, you could totally get me this box to put on my desk. What? I don’t have a job? I’m interviewing! I’m getting out there! What’s to say I won’t have one in a few weeks. Whatevs, I’ll cross that off my list.
Actually, if you really want to give me a great gift, just help me to cheer on my favorite team. You don’t have to love them, but join me on my many trips to Shea, and give us some good karma. A compelling 2008 season is all I really ask for. A little redemption on the side wouldn’t hurt, either.
What do you get for the woman whose team has everything? A gift representing their dominance, natch! Indy is only assured the title of reigning world champions for another few weeks…make the most of it with the Super Bowl merch.
I can’t even be flip about this. I honestly want this Dallas Clark bobblehead. I’m not even kidding a little bit, Santa Baby.
While I’m still heady with our good fortune last season, I’m also a longtime fan who’s never been to a single NFL game. I’m not even asking for good tickets; just kicking back in the RCA Dome for an evening would be enough.
FANTASY TICKET ITEM: On a more personal note…Dear Football Jesus, if your birthday’s in December, too, all I want for Christmas is continued career success for David Cutcliffe , even if that takes him away from Neyland again. He is a delightful man, a terrific coach, and deserves a job that won’t give him heart palpitations. Be properly appreciative, Blue Devils. You’ve landed a treasure.
Things I would like for Christmas because I have been very, very good this
year week hour:
1) A new Calloway graphite shaft for my 8-iron, the faulty one that somehow didn’t survive being pinwheeled down the fairway after sending yet another ball into the backyard of a very impatient family who live on the fifth fairway. Not only did they not appreciate my club tossing demonstration, they also found it less than impressive when the ball bounced off their DirecTV receiver. I, obviously, deducted 6 strokes for it, giving myself a -1 on the hole.
2) A promise from Rich Rodriguez that he will remain the coach of the West Virginia football team. If he is unable or unwilling to do that, I would like a promise from Reggie Bush that includes the phrases “freak you” and “up and down”. Yes, I realize that Reggie Bush has nothing to do with Mountaineers football, but this is my damn wish list. If you want crappy gifts that you won’t ever use, I highly recommend shopping at Brookstone.
3) One pair of running shoes that won’t make my Achilles tendon feel like it’s been crammed into a wood chipper. Or maybe a year of running without injuries at all. I’m 19 weeks away from the Boston Marathon and unless I become a born-again Kenyan, I need all the help I can get.
Look, I’m a rather simple female sports fan. I don’t own any memorabilia and I don’t (as of this moment) even own a shirt with a logo on it. Eh, hasn’t been my thing. And that forever includes those pink shirts or hats that scream, “I’m a girl! Oh, I like sports too. But I’m a girl!” So honestly, a simple jersey of the all time leading running back in Michigan history will be much appreciated. Nice and comfy, it can worn at the game and at home. Plus, you’d have spent $75 on it. That’s a good thing.
Now, if you got some extra money, I know tickets to the must see game in the ACC every year will be more than appreciated. Yeah, it’ll set you back a couple of thousand. So what? You’ll have my undying love. And isn’t that all you really want?
And if all else fails, simply Michigan making a coaching hire will suffice.
Unless there’s a miracle, the dream things I asked Santa for — for Bacon Pants to re-sign with the Phillies, or for Chase Utley to give me a Toyota Prius and a basket of Chartreux kittens — aren’t going to be under my tree this Christmas. Here’s a couple of items I’d be happy with instead:
The lady who likes sports probably likes to tailgate. So get her the ultimate tailgaiting sport: A Ladder Golf set. In fact, here’s two ladies having a good time playing Ladder Golf. Observe:
The tournament edition Ladder Golf set comes with two ladders and four sets of bolas. You could even coordinate the bolas with her favorite team’s colors or the colors of her alma mater: A set of blue and gold for a Pitt grad, or red and white ones for the Phillies, perhaps? FYI: LadderGolf.com also carries cornhole sets…if she’s into that kind of thing. (Perv.)
Perhaps your lady is the kind who is constantly shivering despite the thermostat set at 88 degrees in December. Snuggle with her under a fuzzy Biederlack blanket. Biederlack has licensing agreements with the NCAA, MLB, and NHL so you’re sure to find a blanket for her favorite team. (If she likes the NFL, you’re SOL.) (Just kidding. ShopNFL.com has the hookup.) Biederlack blankets are made in the USA, which is nice, and they last FOREVER: I have a Biederlack from 1986 that’s been washed more times than I can count, but is still as soft as the day I got it. Just google “[team name] biederlack blanket” and you’ll get a ton of hits. If you’re a member of a wholesale club, you can sometimes find blankets of your local teams. That’s how I got my Phillies blankie.